Dealing with hostile people is a traumatic experience. Many people have difficulty dealing with anger. You will be able to deal with angry people more effectively by remaining in control and realizing what triggers anger. This session is designed to provide information to deal with angry people as well as what to do should you become a victim of a hostile individual. No plan is entirely foolproof, particularly when dealing with the unpredictable behaviour of an angry person.

What is Hostility?

Some words used to describe hostility are unfriendly, ill will, active opposition, antagonism, warlike, etc.

Types of Hostility

There are five types of hostilities:

1. Non-verbal: concealed hostility visible through body language, facial expression, red face, glaring eyes, tense muscles, short attention span, etc.
2. Verbal: verbal abuse expressed through offensive language and a condescending tone of voice
3. Acting out: aggressive actions to gain control of the situation or individual through intimidation
4. Telephone: an angry person on the telephone making threats
5. Personal aggression: a personal assault or invasion of personal space of another individual or group.

Hostile posturing by the angry person is done to impose their will on another person with the expectation anger will help them achieve the desired result. In other words, they want to control the situation by manipulating you into doing what they want.

No matter what the hostile person does or says, you must remain in control of your emotions. You have to determine what sets you off, what triggers you and what interferes with your emotions.

What are Triggers?

Triggers are words or actions that result in an emotional response.

Identifying Personal Triggers

What triggers you? Sarcasm, blame, pushy people, bullies, ignorance, person hovering about you or in your face, swearing, etc.

Regaining Control

There are choices you can make to regain control over a hostile situation. When someone is making you angry or scared, step back.  The more upset you become, the less logical and in control you will be. Don't let someone else's anger affect you. Be aware of your personal triggers, it can increase your control of a potentially hostile situation.

Always defuse yourself before attempting to defuse others

Ten Essential Skills to Help Defuse Hostility

1. Greet the person - remain professional, smile and if possible use the person's name
2. Observe and prepare - set a positive tone to calm an angry person by observing body posture, words spoken and tone of voice
3. Ask questions -  by asking questions you show interest in the problem, helping you attain information and gain control to solve the problem
4. Paraphrase - restate the complaint to confirm an understanding of the problem
5. Show empathy -  show you understand and care by letting the person know you'd be angry too
6. Share information -  help the person understand by sharing the possible reason for their anger
7. Explore alternatives - look for possible solutions that may appeal to both sides
8. Agree on a course of action and follow through -   the solution is going to be different in every situation.  Always follow-up this encounter with a phone call or meeting to advise how the person's complaint was addressed.  The most important thing is to prepare positively; remember, there are no absolutes and each person requires different treatment.
9. Refer to your supervisor -  this will show the person you take their problem seriously
10. Disengage - leave the person alone, but first tell them where you are going and why. This gives them time to calm down.

Dealing with Aggression

Aggression is characterized by an invasion of your personal space with aggressive acts which may result in an unprovoked attack.  To reduce the possibility of an assault, consider the following guidelines:

• Try not to put the person on the defensive - when some people feel cornered and their frustration level is high, they strike out at the person whom they perceive has put them into that position.

• Take a soft approach - remain a calming influence which may lower the persons stress level.
• Isolate the audience - without an audience, a person may be more willing to comply with your requests and less inclined to perform for the benefit of others present.
• Give choices instead of threats - add consequences without getting personal and, if necessary, use the consequences. You are not addressing the personality of the individual but their actions by giving them the opportunity to calm down so they can deal with you rationally. You may resort to another course of action such as calling the police.
• Leave - if a request is made and the person leaves, it allows the other person to comply without losing face. At times it is better for a discussion to end without being resolved, permitting both parties to calm down without any acts of aggression or violence being committed.

Conflict Resolution

By its very definition, conflict means to be in a state of mutual opposition. Remaining in such a state will not resolve any outstanding issue. Attempt to resolve it by following these guidelines:

• Be caring and considerate - regardless of the point of view expressed, remain respectful of the person and discuss the matter in a pleasant manner.
• Remain calm - maintaining control over your own emotions helps you discuss the issue from a logical and rational standpoint as opposed to uttering emotional and irrational comments.
• Set limits - try not to allow yourself to be intimidated or assaulted. Be empathetic but set limits by being assertive and having the mindset, " I will help you but there are limits to what I’ll take."
• Establish a friendly environment - angry people in a hostile environment can make the situation worse.
• Look for things that you can agree on - agreement means you are working together to resolve the issue to each other’s mutual benefit.
• Use conditions - the final resolution may be dependant upon other circumstances not known at the time. An agreement may be reached where other resources have to be consulted and, based on their influence, may have to be revisited.

There are three things we should remember when dealing with potentially hostile individuals or situations:

1. Manage your emotions - control your own anger, take a deep breath and think for a moment.
2. Listen to what is being said - ask questions to clarify the issue. This shows you care about their situation.
3. Let them know you understand - ask them for a solution you can pass on to your superiors.

Care for the Care Giver

Quite often, those of us involved in mediating disputes and dealing with hostile/aggressive people tend to overlook these events as being stressful on us as well. A meaningful debrief of an incident is a positive way to deal with your feelings around an issue. Talk to someone about how you felt during and after the event.